If Only
by WolverinesDarlin
Summary: If Only she was fast, if only she had heard him, if only if only if only. Didn't Nick hate the 'what ifs? Did this count. What a shitty way to remember him.


_I was going through Left4Dead withdrawl so I decided to write this. _

X.x.X.x

Nick couldn't breathe, he couldn't talk and he couldn't move; the worst part was… he was alone.

The four of them had been running from a horde, just going through the hicktown as fast as they could but in the hustle he got Smoked. Normally, he knew, his friends would have been there in a moment to help him, but over the gunfire and moaning from the infected they hadn't heard.

Nick struggled to pull the long slimy tongue away from his neck so he could get some air, or even just for a moment call for help but there was no way he was pulling away from the Smoker and it's grasp.

The Smoker was up on the roof of one of the shacks so he didn't have the Smoker beating him senseless but he was being strangled, which in his opinion was a worse way to go.

Two zombies ran up to him and started to pull at his clothes and limps giving him scratches and bites up and down his arms and legs.

"Help…" He gasped trying to bring in enough air so he could say something audible to his friends who were more than halfway down the dirt path. He watched helplessly as they turned around the corner. "No…" He breathed. "Come back…" He gasped for air as he barely muttered the words.

A few more zombies ran up to him to get their own little piece but stopped halfway to him and instead changed direction and started to run in the direction of where the rest of the group had run.

Nick gasped for air once more, "Help… cut- …. Roch-"

X.x.X.x

Rochelle cocked her AK-47 and got ready for the horde, "Here they come!" She announced as she watched a whole group run around the corner like a flock of birds going in for their prey.

She took a deep breath and unloaded her first clip and instead of reloading she decided to pull out her ax. She looked around when she realized she hadn't heard from Nick lately, let alone seen him.

At first she just assumed her was grabbin stuff from houses, for later on but she still hadn't seen him.

"Guys, where's Nick?" She shouted loud enough for the two remaining men to hear.

"What?" Ellis shouted back.

"I said WHERE THE HELL IS NICK?" She screamed.

Ellis planted his crowbar into a zombie's skull and then looked around. "Shit Ro'! I dunno!"

"Damnit!" She yelled and started mowing through the horde and back to the last place she had actually seen Nick.

Rochelle scanned the area, picking off oncoming zombies as they ran for the ferry, hoping to thin out the horde for her friends.

She continued to look ahead, peaking into houses as she jogged around the small shanty town. She wasn't really seeing anything until she came across a hanging body.

She followed the tongue up to where the Smoker had him hanged and shot him with her AK dropping him almost instantly.

She ran forward and caught the conman before he fell to the ground, his head in the crook of her arm and the rest of his body resting on her legs.

"Nick? Nick wake up honey…." She said quietly and studied his face and neck, his neck was a furious red and he was deathly pale.

Rochelle shook her head and brought her hand to his neck and felt for a pulse, she could barely feel it but it was there. "NICK!" She screamed next to his ear.

He jolted awake and fought her for a moment but soon relaxed into her arms. "Rochelle… you came back." He rasped.

"Of course I did." She said quietly and stroked his hair back with the tips of her fingers.

"I couldn't talk, his tongue…" He tried to explain.

"Sshh I understand. Just rest for a moment." She soothed and continued to stroke his hair gently.

Nick nodded slighlty and closed his eyes, bringing his head in closer to her chest for warmth and comfort.

Rochelle sighed a little and held in the tears she felt rise, she hated to see anyone look like this, but to see Nick look so vulnerable and fragile was heartbreaking.

Nick was shaking slightly and he had one of his hands clutching her shirt tightly the other laying across his chest limply. Rochelle stopped stroking his hair for a moment and reached for his free hand and grasped it gently.

"I love you Ro…" He whispered into her, Rochelle wasn't entirely sure if she had heard him correctly but figured it didn't matter if he really said it or not.

"I know. I love you." She said quietly before bringing his hand up to her lips and kissing it gently.

Rochelle turned when she heard a large thud from around the corner, the ferry was here.

She heard a boomer groan and released Nick's hand and pulled out her AK, looking around for the fat infected, he was coming around the first bend, coming from where the train was. She aimed her AK up with the boomer and pulled down on the trigger, using only one hand.

The gun shook violently in her hand and it was strange to not hold the deadly weapon with two but she did it and the boomer blew up at a safe distance away from the two of them.

She threw the AK to the side and looked back to Nick. "Alright Nick we gotta get going… Nick?"

Nick was completely limp, not even a small tremor came from the conman's body. She couldn't even see or feel his chest rising or falling. "No… no no no. This can't be happening! Not you!" She screamed and pulled him up closer to her, holding his head up to her chest with her hand and wrapping her free arm around his back.

"NICK!" She screamed as she rocked back and forth. "WAKE UP!" She shook him violently as she rocked.

She pulled away from him and studied his face, stroking his hair back when it fell into his still, pale, face.

"Oh god." She cried.

"RO! We gotta go! Ferry's here and there's no way more zombies aren't gonna come after that noise." She heard Coach shout from behind her, he sounded out of breath.

She didn't even look back, "Nick c'mon… you heard the man. Get up." She said quietly. "Wake up Nick… please." She sobbed and her eyes darted back and forth across his handsom features.

She heard Coach come right behind her, "Oh…" He mumbled. "Rochelle… we have to go."

"No, not without Nick."

"He's gone Little Sister." He said in an apologetic tone.

"We can't leave him like this!" She screamed at him, shooting daggers at him with her eyes.

"We just don't have the time. Even if we did he'd slow us down in the long run, you know that." He reasoned.

Rochelle glared at him but said nothing, instead staring back at Nick's pale face.

Coach opened his mouth to say something else but snapped it shut when he heard Ellis running up behind them.

"Guy's c'mon! Ferry's here we gotta…. Oh Nick." He said as he came to a stop beside Coach and behind Rochelle's crouched form.

"What happened?" the young mechanic asked quietly.

"Smoker." She said simply.

Ellis nodded even though Rochelle couldn't see it.

Somewhere around them they could hear the sound of a horde.

"Shit… Ro' we gotta go."

"We can't leave him like this!" She screamed.

"We don't gotta choice Ro'." Ellis said gently.

"I'm not leaving without him."

"Well we ain't leavin' without ya." Ellis replied.

Suddenly Rochelle felt Coach's big hands grasp her arms and started to pull her up. She grabbed hold of Nick's white suit and didn't release. "NO I WON'T LEAVE HIM!" She sobbed. "NICK GET UP WE GOTTA GO! NICK!"

Her hands were clutching his jacket tightly as Coach tried to pry her away. "No-oo-oo" She sobbed the word coming out in a choppy manner.

Finally from exhaustion, Coach, or just an overwhelming sense of loss and emotion her hands siezed up and she let go of the conman's jacket.

She watched his body fade away as Coach fought to drag her away.

Rochelle broke loose for a moment and sprinted back to Nick's body, "I'm sorry Nick." She cried and kissed his lips harshly in a rush before Coach grabbed her again and started to drag her back by her wrist to the ferry.

Nick's body became one of the many thrown around the shanty town as she was pulled away.

The door closed on the ferry just as the horde came bursting through the tree line. Coach sighed in relief and Ellis huffed a little as the mindless infected tried to jump in after them, drowning one by one.

Rochelle paid no attention to them as she sat down on the bench, her eyes in a constant sttare on the ground as she went into her own little world of shock.

Nick had died in her arms and she hadn't even known it until it was too late. If only she had noticed his disappearance earlier… if only she hadn't looked in every room of every house and just ran straight down the path. If only she had heard him struggle. If only…

'Ifs' had been something Nick hated, and here she was going on about 'ifs' concerning his loss.

He'd be throwing a fit.

She looked up a moment at Coach and then at Ellis, silently she wondered how they were taking it. But she was too angry to even care about how they felt. They took her away when she didn't want to leave.

She lookd back at the floor as the ferry came to a stop and the doors swung open, _if only._


End file.
